My brother Drew has always been my opposite. He’s loud, boisterous and at times, truly wild. I am quiet & calm and my wildness comes in measured spurts, few and far between. Born the day before I turned one, he drained my parents bank account and usurped my babyhood in one fell swoop. He was breech and no amount of conjoling or pushing on the doctor’s part could turn him around, so Caesarean he was. He was stubborn from the beginning I suppose, a fact which I think he is secretly proud of to this day. As kids, we were a devilish pair of Aries wild ones~from scissor stabbings to kitchen floor cookouts, we challenged both our parents & our natural survival. We grew and grew apart, as boys & girls will do, and his shy, timid nature was glossed over by his new class clown persona and my first born bravado was tucked away admist books and worldly dreams.
Now though, I see that we really have not changed, not permanently anyway. Underneath his party boy swagger he is still the timid little brother that I first knew, my partner in crime, my built in playmate, my Irish twin. And though he is now bigger than me and has been in his fair share of manly fights, I worry that he does not demand enough for himself, that he does not grab, by the fistfuls, that which he so richly deserves. I often want to shake him for the choices he makes and chastize him for those that he doesn’t. I see the romantic in him fall in love over & over again with all the wrong women and my heart aches for him in his loneliness.
Yet, he is an unbridled dreamer with an epic imagination, never ceasing to amaze me in his constant barrage of inventions and ideas. He can make friends in an instant, a skill which I have long envied, and there isn’t much in this world he wouldn’t try just once. He’s far more capable than most men I know and there’s not a lazy bone in his body. And yet he settles far more than he should.
So maybe we must go back to the beginning of things, where he and I began, and pretend that I am once again his fearless leader and that he is my willing accomplice. I will lead him out to the other side, through the ugly breakup and over the bump of self esteem, because I have been there and I know those waters well. And then, I will show him that yes, there is something better, there is something more, and that he should run towards it with all that he is.